Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Late-night's leading entertainers used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins all he handles."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."

"A quick note for you to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.